It's not all about winning, but it sure is nice

So last night we were invited by friends to join their family for their gingerbread house making night. A and I joined them for dinner, hot dogs and french fries, and then we jumped right in to building our little houses. I've never successfully built a gingerbread house, many attempted, but never a success; but last night I was determined to complete this one. I didn't know how attractive it would be, but I knew I wasn't going to give up. I started building my base around a good and plenty candy box, and it seemed to be going well. After I struggled with the roof it was time to decorate. I added a few things, and a few more things. We had good conversation and people came and went but I stayed there and dedicated my night to making this gingerbread house the best I could. I think all in all I spent around three hours on it, but it was very worth it! It turned out great, at least I thought so. Then it was time to put everyone's houses on the bar and have them judged. The judge walked around and commented on all of the houses, and then he picked the winner...drum roll please...HE PICKED MINE!!! I was so proud! At this very moment it's taking up a significant amount of room in my fridge and I will keep it in there until I get sick of moving around it.

You know it's been a hard day when...

...you find stale bread in your hair. That pretty much sums up the kind of day we've had. The day started out nice and slow, sleeping in until almost 11 and cooking breakfast with my little A. Then it just went downhill from there. A started screaming during breakfast, he was completely inconsolable! I was so frustrated, but I finally concluded that it was his teeth and with a little Tylenol he settled down.
We proceeded with our day, grocery shopping, little more christmas shopping for the fam. A did alright while we were out, but he did fall asleep at about 4:30 in the afternoon...dangerous! He ended up sleeping until 7:30, which explains why I'm still awake. I did however get to see most of a movie, cook dinner, and eat dinner all in peace. When A woke up it was a whole different story, peace and quiet was gone and he was on top of his game with driving me crazy! His favorite thing is to climb into the bathroom sink with a box that's filled with washcloths, he throws all of the washcloths out and flips over the box to use as a stool, then he climbs in the sink and either plays with the toothbrushes or turns on the water and gets soaking wet. It's my favorite! Now we're laying in bed and he's kicking the computer screen, another favorite of mine. But it's time to call it a night before tomorrow is hard before it even starts.

Another thoughtful night

Tonight I don't have anything particular on my mind, and nothing exciting happened today...just the usual day off stuff, clean, de-clutter, grocery shop...the usual. I just wish that wasn't how my days off were, I wish I could have some fun...and adventure. I don't know what I'd like to do, but something other than the ordinary. I know what keeps me back...I'm just hesitant. I don't make rash decisions.No is always my first answer, but not always my final answer. I wish I could learn how to forget about some of the mundane things that I feel so tied down to and just do something fun for no other reason but that I want to do it.

I wish I knew how to swim, I wish I had a bike to ride, I wish I could have the feeling I did as a kid when I rode my bike down a hill and my hair blew back and my stomach didn't land in my throat. I need the sensation of freedom, I don't resent my obligations, but I do get wary of the day to day.


But all of this only bother me when I think about it.

Not how, but why

Today, while carrying the baby and three loads of laundry across the apartment parking lot and up to our house I thought to myself, "I don't know how I do this?" Work, bills, laundry, cooking, cleaning, baby, and self; managing all of this alone. After considering this thought for a few minutes, I came to the conclusion...I don't know how, but I do know why. That is the reason I struggle with all of the physical and emotional stress and step up to all of the challenges I face on a daily basis, and that is the important part. My little A is a good reason to do every thing that I do on a daily basis and more if needed. It's hard to remember that fact when life is throwing you a curve, but it doesn't change the fact that it's still true. The best way I've found to keep that perspective is to look at A when he's sleeping and just think about the blessing he is to me. He is such a sweet child, a real blessing in my life, but he does bring significant challenges with him, but what child does? I know that I'm a single mother by choice, but I'm very glad that I made that choice. It's made me a better person in more ways that one. I've grown closer to God, I've learned who cares for me, I've found friends, shed friends who weren't genuine friends. I've learned so much about life, myself, and happiness. I'm so glad I've had the privilege of having A as my son.